“So…whose fault is it?”

Some variation of this question is usually one of things people will ask when they find out we’re doing fertility treatments. It’s a loaded question but we understand that people are curious. As Jason kind of talked about with his FAQ post, we realize that people are generally well-meaning and don’t intend to offend, but their questions aren’t always phrased in the best way. So here’s our answer!


We don’t look at it as anyone’s “fault”. Infertility is a medical condition and should be looked at as such. Would you ask someone with cancer or diabetes whose “fault” it is that they have that condition? No. Of course there are factors that can contribute to getting a disease, but it’s not something a person chooses to have. It’s the same thing with our infertility. Jason and I both have physical attributes that cause infertility factors.

With each of our diagnoses, Jason and I felt personally responsible for our inability to conceive. I felt guilty and that my inability to get pregnant was some sort of sign that I was less of a woman and not as qualified to be a mom or something. Jason would assure me that wasn’t the case and help comfort me; when we found out about his condition, he went through the same phase of shame and guilt and I would then comfort him. It’s rough when logically you know something but your emotions still get the best of you.

So what infertility factor is causing us to go directly to IVF? That would be the azoospermia.

With Jason’s case in particular, his shortage of sperm can’t be corrected simply by eating lots of nuts and oysters or skipping the hot tub. While all those things do boost sperm production, and we are doing anything we can,those things alone would not get us from the 2 he’s at to the “normal” of over 20 million per millilitre. Basically, suggesting that a new essential oil or exercise regimen would be just as effective for us as IVF is like suggesting dexterity exercises to someone without arms. Yes, there are many awesome, less invasive ways to boost sperm and yes, those alternatives are very successful for many people. But for us, you can’t increase something that’s not naturally there. Don’t get me wrong, we appreciate when people tell us other things that have worked for them; we know that it comes out of love and concern and we love knowing that people care! So thanks for that  But in our situation, these alternatives can only supplement and not fix the problem. We are not hastily going to IVF and if simpler means could be just as effective, you bet we’d go that route. We have done a lot of research and tried several things, but this is our best chance.

So is it Jason’s “fault” we’re doing IVF? No. Is his medical condition directing our path? Yes.
We know that ICSI IVF is most likely the only way we can conceive. That is why Jason is taking his shots 5x a weeks in the hopes that we can get in the millions. We are so thrilled and feel very blessed that we live in a time where we have this option!